Birthdays in Homer

July 11th

I am jacked-up by chocolate cake, oatmeal squares, and homemade raspberry ice cream made
with coconut milk and maple syrup. Can't sleep, will take a planned melatonin soon, but am
enjoying writing by this lovely dusk lighting, at 11 p.m. There is a rose lower sky hovering above
the glaciers and higher peaks, with blue and darker hues creating a silence and loveliness that
only belongs to me and a few others who are luxuriating in this moment.

The day started out a glorious sunny, no clouds over the mountains kind of 64th birthday. So
fortunate was I. No rushing around morning, with the family sleeping in, Greta and Amelia
getting 12 hours of wondrous sleep, so appreciated by their parents, who also slept in, as did
Uncle Lael in the yurt. Mark and I got to laze, as well, in "M", and then had a date at Maura's for
b'day breakfast, in Homer, per Lyra's recommendation. Wonderful egg benedicts, ham for Mark,
veggie for me. We met the rest of the clan at farmers market, which was bustling, and Greta
grabbed us right away, and the stroll through the stalls was relaxing and fun.

I gifted myself with a fossil walnut ivory pendant, inspired by the artist's symbol of an abstract
kayak paddle, which called out to me. A sweet flower bouquet for Vicky was perfect, and kettle
corn for Mark. We visited with one of the grandmas of Lyra and Rob's friends from Anchorage,
another ultimate frisbee comrade, the grandparent being from Mountain Home, ID, and in a
wheelchair.

At Vicky's, Lael, Amelia and Vick were waiting for a hike on the cross-country ski trails, while
Lyra, Rob and Greta opted out, in order for Gret to bake Granny Vick an alternative b'day treat,
to the chocolate cake Mark bought. The four mile loop was welcomed, since there's been no
hiking nor biking since Denali. Got in a nap before the party with BBQ'd salmon, king crab and
oysters began. Vick's friend Carol also came, which was very nice. I hadn't seen her since we
three drummed together eons ago in Homer. She is a retired school teacher, still volunteering
with students, whose husband is retired Forest Service.

What a comfy afternoon and evening with beloveds and outrageous feasting. Vick and Carol
left about 8, and the rest of us sat outside, encouraging Greta and Amelia to run-off the
chocolate and sugar effects before bedtime, and chatted about politics, and other fun, silly
things.

Throughout the day, I was blessed with emails and facebook greetings, phone calls with Max,
Lucy and Doug, and feel full and loved. I try to inhale this positive regard in throughout my
whole body, instead of my past pattern of stopping it somewhere above my chest---not allowing
myself the truth and deserving of all this bounty.

I am 64, feeling old and youthful, simultaneously, both physically, intellectually, emotionally. My
spirituality is constant, and the joy of loving and being loved is more rounded, curved, softer,
than in my youth, with some worn, warm corners of my soul and psyche creating a mild
melancholy intermittently. The latter flees quickly, however, and I am left with a sense of
wholeness without expectations that can create tension, suffering, with the gift of being able to
embrace these moments now with joys and presence.